hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
