hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
