i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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