OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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