i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
