I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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