How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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