He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
