drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
