I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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