I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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