so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
