420 ftw
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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