I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You may now shotgun with the bride
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize