I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
