I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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