i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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