Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize