my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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