your room smells of hookers.
And success
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
