She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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