Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
