why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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