in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
