The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize