$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
