I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we should paint friendship bongs
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