Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
