Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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