8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
vagina is talking i cant
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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