I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize