She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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