my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
