I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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