Where is the hickey?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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