Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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