did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
