She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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