i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
