this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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