the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
