i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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