No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
