i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize