do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
