If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize