Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
