Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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