We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sarcasm needs its own font
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
