Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
