and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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