Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
