My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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