those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We had sex on a dog bed..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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