i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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