Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to make out with him forever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
