Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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