This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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