i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
im on a boat
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