I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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