Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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