hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
