Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
