He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
