I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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