Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
