he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
