ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
