You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize