once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
