i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who died my cat blue again?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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