sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
