i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
