oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
