Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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