My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
