I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
