I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
