I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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