I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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