Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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