I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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