I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
