I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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