Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
