dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
