I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize