dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
