I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
