Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
