i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
